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The Colbert Report/Episode/496
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert will miss us when he's dead * last night was the Golden Globes ** given out by the ** three worst words in English language: Hollywood Foreign Press * many celebrities wore beige and taupe ** i might not feel your pain, but my evening gown does * TGPE gave a press conference ** like Olympics *** every four years *** China is going to win * President Bush's last press conference * it seemed like yesterday * won almost as many voters as he had executed * begin painful process of saying hello to "Goodbye" * drew a bubble bath * glass of win * toe wrapped around the cord of the TV perched on the edge of the tub * final fight on the press corps * TGPE couldn't win when it comes to connecting the dots ** placemats * never finished the word search * media wants controversy * TGPE has never been afraid * TGPE very modest; left out unnecessary * by enemy he means the Constitution of the United States * picked the perfect time to get out of Washington * Deal or no Deal changed name to Meal or no Meal * biggest job loss since 1945 * huge layoff expected in waterboarding sector * Obama thinks he can fix it ** change we can believe in, if we can catch a break or two, no promises Tonight's Word * Sweet Smell of Success * English study ** burned by guy in a robe asking to have his sword pulled from his stone * Univer of Liverpool ** compare men who did not shower ** English women have no sense of smell *** also find kidney pie edible * confidence is attractive (they never smelled the men, they only watched them on video tape) * wearing Axe is like huffing money * Axe should work on the economy ** also a sponsor * sprayed with 5-star rating * debt must be attractive to Chinese ** soak T-bill with Axe * Dr. Colbert gives [The Mob a liberal manly spritzing of Axe Body Spray ** confidence to get a loan ** confidence to get a job * not how strong our economy is, ** just as long as no one gets close enough to get a good whiff Stephen Junior * intensely private person * Dr. Colbert has parenting issues with his son, Stephen Jr. ** behaviorally speaking, eagles are not huggers ** Stephen sometimes gets collect screeches * Stephen was spotted in the National Wildlife Refuge, located between Oregon and California ** obviously a refuge from Ore, Cali * they have alot in common: ** stands in tree, staring through a neighbor's window * compliment her on her food sack ** works in any species * Stephen Jr. was spotted the day before Christmas ** the raptor Santa Claus * not everyone * Jack Noller, photographer captured photos ** wildlife paparazzi Interview * Anthony Romero ** director of ACLU, believes we should close Gitmo, as long as we reopen Abu Ghraib * is happy ** in eight days the worst president for civil rights * his savior is coming * Barack H. Obama, the "H" stands for "HCLU" * has no idea what to do with all the people in Gitmo * wants to treat the terrorists like American criminals in American courts * likes the Supreme Court decisions regarding detainees and their "rights" ** doesn't like that they picked TGPE * wants to turn Gitmo into Colonial Williamsburg * wants to hold torturers accountable * Obama says there will be no "looking back" * tries to find fault with Dr. Colbert ** doesn't like Stephen's tie, exactly what a gay guy would do * if he doesn't close it in his first week, Obama owns it * in six months, the world will see GWB when they look at Obama Epilogue * Dr. Colbert closes the show with a reminder that he has a lot more to say, but will allow The Heroes' eardrums to scab over Gallery Image:IntroAnthonyRomero1-12-2009.jpg Image:AnthonyRomero1-12-2009.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments